Very Young Girls

While I'm still exploring and will probably use this blog for Thesis related information, I also want to include information that I find about various topics, having to do with women.

For the past 3 months (probably more), my Netflix viewing has definitely been on hiatus. In fact, I've had the same 2 movies sitting with our DVD collection that whole time. Today, I decided to watch one of the documentaries I was waiting to see.

Very Young Girls is a film about girls who enter into prostitution and their journey, as well as their integration into and help from GEMS (Girls Educational & Mentoring Services.)

Did you know that the average girl in the United States enters the sex trafficking industry when she's 13 year old? How f*cked up is that?!

This film documented actual footage that 2 pimps took, in hopes that some day their lives as pimps would be made into a TV show. This combined with some of the ridiculous music out there today that glorifies the sex trafficking industry just goes to show how much more attention we need to give it, and how wrong it is. I was thrilled to find out that the documentation they created helped put them behind bars for 10 years.

The girls who participated in this film came from all different backgrounds with regard to their family structure and location in NYC. In a way, they compared prostitution for a young teenager to drug addicts; you only begin to help yourself when you hit rock bottom. I couldn't believe how brainwashed some of these teens were and how they were treated like common criminals.

True, I don't believe that any young teenager really believes that prostitution is normal. However, listening to these girls it's clear that as they entered this life they were completely brainwashed by their pimps (who were usually at least 15 years their senior) about their worth and what love is. The mind of a teenager is incredibly fragile, in that it is a peak time in a person's life when their thoughts, beliefs and convictions can be easily influenced. Pimps prey on these impressionable girls and fully use it to their advantage. Finally, they end up taking all the money while they are NOT the ones selling their bodies and ultimately destroying their self worth. The only thing they provide for these girls are a crappy place to stay and a regular supply of drugs so they will keep doing what they do and not feel anything, which is killing them slowly in the end.

It was very interesting, and I highly recommend it.

Tom Ford

Here are some images I got off the Tom Ford website. Feel free to comment with any thoughts or adjectives for these two.

New Start

Happy (belated) New Year to anyone who has been reading this from the beginning! I know its been quite a while since my last post.

Currently, I am in my second semester of Grad school and need to begin research for my Thesis. I'm particularly exploring design and how women in images are incorporated in design. This is an area in which I also sometimes feel stuck, seeing as how women are often objectified and although we've come a long way we still have quite a way to go.

My plan is to post images or screen shots if unable to save images, and let people respond with a comment or a string of words. I will be using this information as I move forward in my research and compile all the data for my Thesis. I will also try not to influence the opinions of readers in any way. My plan is to merely show an image and ask that people let me know what they think. Feel free to comment on what you see, even if just 1 or 2 words to describe it.

Thanks for all of your help - I appreciate it!

Hillary

School has been in session for about a month now (okay, maybe a little less) and I'm really and truly trying to get back into the school groove. I knew it would be an adjustment, but I guess I really need to get a better grasp of just how much time I will need to spend on school work in order to really and fully absorb it.

Aside from that, in the bigger picture, I've definitely noticed something about myself that I guess I've known for a while, but didn't really acknowledge; I will sometimes get stuck on the smallest things and they ultimately grow to feel like HUGE things!

For example, I had the option to either take my school's health insurance (which would be cheaper per semester than my other option) or to continue on COBRA that I get through my last job. I was relieved to hear that COBRA would be only about half of what it was for me the last time I used it. (I don't have the specifics on why right now, but I do have them at home.) ANYWAY, whenever I've had to make a decision about any job there has always been 1 factor that I absolutely must consider: will this insurance cover my breast issues?

This time around was no different. I had to make sure if I were to continue COBRA that I would be covered in the exact same way and I would be able to see a specialist here (specifically one that my breast surgeon in Boston recommended.) My school's insurance only covers 80% over lab and surgical procedures and if you are in a position where you need to have surgery that costs $13,000 - $18,000, having to pay 20% of that cost as a poor grad doesn't seem too appealing ($2,600 - $3,600, FYI.)

However, I really didn't want to call the insurance company not for a desire to have unanswered questions, but because any time I've called them I've had to be put on hold for at least 20 minutes and I don't have the patience for it. Therefore, I kept putting it off and putting it off and of course in my head, it became this HUGE task that I had to complete. Finally, I just CALLED them and got the answers I needed. During that whole period when I wasn't calling but had it on my mind, it was a constant burden and quite frankly, a royal pain in the ass. The more I knew I had to do it, the more I didn't want to do it.

It's funny that I'll get stuck on small tasks like that and then they will remain unfinished and seem insurmountable...until I just buck up, do it and it's done. It's also odd that I do this to myself because I HATE outstanding items. Hate hate HATE them!

I've made a promise to myself that I will try to push to get things done in a more effective and productive way. However, right now, I don't have a definitive solution or plan. Maybe I just have to get myself into the habit of doing it.

Thoughts?

It has been a solid month since I've written. Yowsers!

I thought I'd write about something that I've been feeling, specifically since I returned from my trip to Colorado with Joey, his family and friends. I'd like to preface all this by saying that I am indeed excited and thrilled to be going back to school and study Communications Design. I think it's going to be a fantastic 2.5 years, and I will learn a great deal. That being said...

I decided when I quit back in July that I would take off the month of August. I did this so I could regroup, recharge and be ready for this next step in my life. While I have been doing a lot of relaxing, I must say that I have been feeling stuck in a different way. I literally have NOTHING to do. I could do things like continue to unpack (we've had no time together to go shopping for apt things, so whatever needs to be housed is just kinda sitting around with no home yet), do crafty things, read, exercise, etc. However, I've found that this week in particular has been challenging to get myself motivated to do anything. I believe this is because a) I know school is so close to beginning and I just want it to already, and b) if I don't have some sort of schedule I sometimes have a difficult time creating one for myself. 

The weekends are different (at least when I was working.) I knew that I only had 2 days to get all the things that I wanted done DONE and if that was going to happen, I had to create a schedule for myself. However, when I have an entire week to do the little things that I want to do, that's when I get into trouble. 

I find myself stuck in a pool of laziness and procrastination. I want this to stop, especially as I'm moving into the Grad school phase of my life and I want to change some things about the way I work and some of my working habits.

This takes time. I've read in a few places that habits take 2-3 weeks to form. However, once you create them and they actually become habits, they don't seem like such a pain in the a** anymore. For example, at one point a few years ago I decided that each day when I came home from work I wanted to see a made bed in my room. I never made the time in the mornings to do it so when I came home from work and saw an unmade bed it made me feel like my life was in disarray. Granted, this was not the only thing that made me feel this way, but it was something I knew I could change. So I did. Now I make it close to every morning and it makes me feel better to see that when I get home after a hectic day.

It's ironic that I have all this freedom to move however I want with this free time and yet I have have a slight feeling of stuckness.

Letting go of things

As I'm currently packing and trying my hardest to throw away things that I'm not using, I've obviously come across clothing that I bought many moons ago and have kept. Some I've kept because I've genuinely like it, while others I believe are simply sitting in my closet for sentimental reasons. With this move and a fresh start, I plan to rid myself of that baggage (literally and figuratively) and embrace the fact that I'm a different person than I was in college and even than I was 3 years ago. 

I thought I'd post some articles of clothing that I've kept all this time and will be giving away. It's time.

This jacket dates back to my London days when I studied abroad during my 4th year in college. That was definitely a great experience. My friend, Calla, and I would head down to this area known as Deptford Market. It would be open every Wednesday and Saturday. This was all outdoor vendors selling everything from bags to fruit to batteries - you name it. There was one area that was equivalent to an outdoor thrift store that we would always hit up any time we ventured there. Within this vendor's area there was a rummage pile (similar to the 'Dollar a Pound' area at the Garment District.) It was great and I found this jacket for a pound. After I bought it, I wore it EVERYWHERE.

This cute little top I believe I purchased somewhere in America. It was probably Wet Seal or Forever21. I'd wear this on a Saturday night when I'd go out. It's sheer and if you wear a pink tank underneath it really does make for a cute outfit.

This hoodie was purchased at H&M, back when I wanted pretty much everything in the store. These days I enter and find a handful of things that are still appropriate for me to wear. This one, however, was one of my favorite hoodies to wear. I've always loved lots of color, so this was right up my alley.

I loved these shoes! I wanted them since freshman year in high school! (I think I bought them senior year, MAYBE freshman year in college.) They were always super expensive (over $100) for a plain pair and I could never quite swing that, nor could I justify it. (Boy, have things changed!) I never did wear them regularly, but I got them on sale for $40. I'd say I got my money's worth!

I got these shoes in London while I was studying abroad. I just thought these were so cute. I never did get past my love for polka dots, but I probably will not be purchasing more shoes like this in the future. Regardless, they made some of my ensembles that much cuter. I'm glad I had them and romped around London in them.

This is probably the oldest article of clothing I have/had. I got this shirt when I was in TENTH GRADE. Holy crap. I remember because I'd wear this shirt while I was dating a boy named Adam. This probably brings me back the most of all things, because I dressed very different than I do now. I've always dressed FUN, but I wore the wide leg jeans that would hide your sneakers, lots of necklaces (studded, candy, etc.) and basically had a lot of fun with my style. It was really good to let go of this.

My main point is that our clothing says a lot about us. Sometimes we hold onto it because we love it, while other times we just want to hold onto it because we can't actually hold onto the time and place that it was present from our life. 

Holding on to these things may actually cause us to feel stuck more than we realize. Throwing out clothing from another time in our lives can be liberating, and help us to move ourselves forward into the future, as uncomfortable and unfamiliar as it may be.

I remember distinctly when I first began to feel that I was stuck; it was 2 years ago and weather was getting warmer and resembling summer. I knew I wanted to be educated in some arena, but which one? Eventually, I began to fear that my brain was literally turning to mush. I knew my potential and that I was a smart individual, but it just wasn't being used! If this is the spot that you are currently in, I have some recommendations that helped me:


READ

The best thing I could think of to do was to read about topics that had always interested me.
I began reading books on feminism, a little religion and pretty much anything that would remind me that I was more than my job. I had other interests, goals and areas that I wanted to pursue. I actually took quite a few lunch breaks outside and kept to myself while I read. That hour of time in the middle of my day was very important for me to use. My mornings would sometimes be so frustrating, monotonous or boring that I just needed something to completely take my mind out of work mode. This definitely helped me to feel like I had more control over my life and helped me not to feel like this was all my life would amount to: a job that I didn't like. For the love of all that is holy, read read read! Read any topics that interest you, topics you've always thought about or topics you already have as an interest. You may stumble upon a new hobby or better yet, a career!


TAKE A CLASS

During the fall of 2007, I signed up for a class at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education. This is another great tool that can help. It was a class in humorous writing. I can't even begin to describe how great this was for this time in my life. Each week I would go to class, sit with a group of adults and we would share our funny stories in our own writing styles. This was helpful in a few ways:
1. I was using my creativity, which I love to do.
2. It forced me to reflect and remember some of the funniest moments of my life. This definitely put me in a better mood at times.
3. I was surrounded by new people, and listening to their work and critiquing was refreshing.

The class doesn't have to be expensive. If I remember correctly, this class only cost me something like $140.00 for about 9 weeks of classes. Not bad at all!

In the fall of 2008, I took a sewing class. It was fantastic and I learned great new skills. I didn't make any friends, but I now have a hundred new ideas that I can't wait to try out.


JOIN A GROUP/ACTIVITY

In the fall of 2009, one of my co-workers became involved in an independent film. One day she suggested I attend the weeking of filming, if nothing more than to see what it was all about. I decided to take a shot at it.

It turns out that it was a very interesting experience. I met new people and while the film probably won't be hitting the big screen anywhere, I met one of my dearest friends who was key in helping me through this time in my life. His positive words, attitude and ability to just listen to me and help me to see the positive side of things was priceless. I would consider him one of the best people I've ever met and had I not been willing to go to the filming I never would have met him. I'm forever grateful that he is in my life.


MAKE PLANS

This doesn't need to be great big plans, but it could be. Make plans to grab coffee, dinner or ice cream after work with some friends. Even a walk with someone who makes you laugh can be the perfect medicine. This will give you something to look forward to while you're at work, and will help you to forget the mental place you're in. Furthermore, it will bring you back to your core so you can focus on the fact that you're still YOU: you're just stuck in a place that you don't want to be.

Make big plans if you have the means! Plan a weekend away, and explore a city that you've never seen. Not only will this take you out of your physical space of 'stuckness' but it also will help mentally. I've always found (and still feel strongly) that removing yourself from a particular area always helps you to re-focus and see things way more clearly.


CREATE PROJECTS FOR YOURSELF

This spins off the sewing class that I took. I now have 3 plastic bins full of clothing and fabric scraps that I plan to put to good use. Next month, after everything has calmed down for me and before school starts I plan to do some serious crafting.

Is there a piece of furniture you want to get rid of? Maybe all it needs it a paint job with a new color to spruce things up in your place. Plants some vegetables or flowers you really love outside of your home, or in a pot inside.

Do whatever is the catalyst to get your brain thinking!

Those are my ideas. Feel free to add anything.