open your eyes

It has been a solid month since I've written. Yowsers!

I thought I'd write about something that I've been feeling, specifically since I returned from my trip to Colorado with Joey, his family and friends. I'd like to preface all this by saying that I am indeed excited and thrilled to be going back to school and study Communications Design. I think it's going to be a fantastic 2.5 years, and I will learn a great deal. That being said...

I decided when I quit back in July that I would take off the month of August. I did this so I could regroup, recharge and be ready for this next step in my life. While I have been doing a lot of relaxing, I must say that I have been feeling stuck in a different way. I literally have NOTHING to do. I could do things like continue to unpack (we've had no time together to go shopping for apt things, so whatever needs to be housed is just kinda sitting around with no home yet), do crafty things, read, exercise, etc. However, I've found that this week in particular has been challenging to get myself motivated to do anything. I believe this is because a) I know school is so close to beginning and I just want it to already, and b) if I don't have some sort of schedule I sometimes have a difficult time creating one for myself. 

The weekends are different (at least when I was working.) I knew that I only had 2 days to get all the things that I wanted done DONE and if that was going to happen, I had to create a schedule for myself. However, when I have an entire week to do the little things that I want to do, that's when I get into trouble. 

I find myself stuck in a pool of laziness and procrastination. I want this to stop, especially as I'm moving into the Grad school phase of my life and I want to change some things about the way I work and some of my working habits.

This takes time. I've read in a few places that habits take 2-3 weeks to form. However, once you create them and they actually become habits, they don't seem like such a pain in the a** anymore. For example, at one point a few years ago I decided that each day when I came home from work I wanted to see a made bed in my room. I never made the time in the mornings to do it so when I came home from work and saw an unmade bed it made me feel like my life was in disarray. Granted, this was not the only thing that made me feel this way, but it was something I knew I could change. So I did. Now I make it close to every morning and it makes me feel better to see that when I get home after a hectic day.

It's ironic that I have all this freedom to move however I want with this free time and yet I have have a slight feeling of stuckness.