grateful

I was just talking to my mom for a little while about our days. Today when I got home from work, there was a manila envelope in my mailbox from her. She's having a jewelry party this weekend and mailed me the catalogue so that I can look through it and she'll get something for me through a discounted price.

It's little things like this that make me realize again and again how lucky I am to have her in my life. She's extremely thoughtful. In fact, everything she does she considers my sister and myself. If she's picking up some clothes, 'Is there anything here Hill would like?' 'That's Amanda's favorite color. Maybe I should pick that up for her.' Seriously, everything she does she thinks of us. It makes me feel really selfish sometimes. Each day, especially as I've experienced this STUCK feeling more and more, it seems like all I've had time to do (or allowed myself to do) has been to try to get through this part of my life. It's almost as if I've been so overwhelmed by everything that I've retreated to tunnel vision not because I think I'm more important than anyone else, but because I've felt so overwhelmed by my own life that I wasn't sure I could take on thinking about too many things.

I'm extremely happy to be moving closer to my mom. Now, I can probably see her at least once a month and I'll feel like I can make more of a contribution in her life and actually do things with her or for her. This may be as simple as grocery shopping or helping her pick out shoes for a cocktail party. All I know is that I've missed her terribly in the past few years and I'm so glad that I'll get to take back some of that time by creating new memories as I move forward in my life and my education in September.

When you're feeling stuck and so overwhelmed, sometimes it's a really good thing to do something selfless and be grateful for all the important people in your life. This isn't just one of those generic 'Look on the bright side' sentiments because quite honestly, no one wants to hear that when you're stuck in a moment. It won't make you feel better, but I think being grateful will.

Surround yourself with lots of photos, collages and tokens of the important people in your life. Email, write or call often and hear the voice of someone who's important to you: someone without whom your life would be completely different. 

At this point in time, I won't say that I'm completely UNstuck because I'd be lying if I said that. However, one of the symptoms of my stuckness took over a little this afternoon. I could feel myself in a grouchy mood upon my walk and arrival home. Then I saw the catalogue from my mom and it made me want to call her. Now I've spoken to her, feel energized and I'm ready to start my cleansing (i.e. cleaning out my closet - yikes!) as well as some yoga/meditation later.